Dependent Origination

The Language of Flowers

Posted on: June 30, 2013

Like I said, I have been reading up on landlording books lately. Those books are harder to finish in one fell swoop🙂 So I decided to read something different🙂 Well, the truth is I had been on the waitlist for this book for a few weeks and it became available but only seven days. I thought I wouldn’t have had the time to read it but downloaded it anyway. But once I have it I started to think about it and decided my life isn’t that busy that I cannot finish one tiny little book.

Turned out I probably shouldn’t started — I read a few hours two weekday nights, holding my own desire to read through until day break since work has been quite demanding. I was punished for three consecutive days by penetrating headache😦 I guess no more reading at the cost of sleep before demanding work in the rest of my working life la. I miss the old care-free teenage years when I could finish a book whenever I wanted. Well I did that throughout grad school too. No more. Not any more. The saddest part is my irresponsibility in terms of reading and important work is still here but my physical body wouldn’t be able to handle the consequence of irresponsibility any more.

I finally finished the book today. A good book makes an hot day (by California standard) shorter! I think I read Nanny’s Diaries on the hottest every day in my second-floor apartment with copious amount of sweat dripping over my futon. Thank you all those books~

I love flowers and languages. They remind me of the old Japanese animation we watched as a young girl. I even wrote down each episode’s story line with the flower and what it represented at the end of each story. Well, on the one hand, I loved watching those animation series. On the other hand, I had to finish three pieces of journals every week for the winter break and it is hard to find interesting materials to fill up your journals when you were eight or nine staying inside a small apartment everyday of the winter break. But I remember those memories fondly. Back when I was elbow deep in trouble on my last job, a really old friend, out of nowhere, after like twenty or twenty five years when we last in contact, wrote me telling me he thought of me the other day when he was helping his two daughters picking out movies to watch. He suggested our old series saying there was this one girl who wrote down every episodes of it in my class but his daughters still refused his choice. He wrote me an email about it and it brought the old sweetness back to a very distressed me at the time. Thank you my old friend!

Aside from the Victorian language of what does each flower mean, I also learned more about the foster care system through the book. I felt bad about the children who had no family and no resource and no support but going through a foster care system. I wish everyone of them can find happiness or meaning of their lives one day. The story is nice and touching but in reality, that is probably not the usual case for a foster care child at all. The majority of them would drift through life, with material hardship a small piece of cake to suffer, the emotional trials brutal enough to do most people in.

The second half of the book is not as good as the first half when I was absorbed into figuring out the heroine and her life and why she behaved the way she was. She is a little too self-centered to me in the second half of the book. But it is still a good story, an old-fashioned good story. I love the message of it: how hard forgiveness is to come and how hard it is to ask for it.

If you ask me what is the meaning of my life, this time, or what is it that I am supposed to learn, supposed to improve in this life time, I think it is forgiveness, especially forgiveness for those who hurt me purposely. I know how hard it is and I am working my way through it. To forgive someone who had done something really really wrong to you, who took everything off you at the time, who hurt you beyond repair just for their own desire. In the end I need to forgive them all. I hope I learn the art of forgiveness to perfection this lifetime so that next lifetime I don’t need to go through this much hurt and suffering to perfect it any more.

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June 2013
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