Dependent Origination

Inception

Posted on: August 10, 2010

根本没看出来有那么好。不知道自己是老了,没什么东西激动了;还是看的那天是受了巨大的刺激的一天,所以感受其他刺激的能力下降了,以至于这个据说有matrix I potential的电影在我这里一点儿感觉都没有; 还是别的人,由于年轻,第一次受刺激所以有比较强烈的反应。 总之估计这就是个永恒的谜团了。

有一条是很肯定的,我跟好多人的距离是越来越远了。比方说跟一些二十几岁的人聊天儿,会觉得没意思,堵得慌,什么都说不下去的感觉。[Disclaimer: 但是和另外一些二十几岁的人还是有话说的。<<– My weak attempt at avoiding the possibility that it is me who is the problem. ] 和另外一些人聊天儿呢,又会觉得心里闹得慌。比方说可能也就是一个work lunch的时间,四十分钟撑死了,但是就会觉得心里面很燥,心好像不在它应该在的地方,在外面飘来飘去的,就会觉得很难受。 当然一般这样的lunch都是一些很浮躁的话题,exchange一些离开source很远的似是而非的information,作为大家未来决断的依据, 有现实生活中的mitbbs的感觉。我自己的修行不够,人多的时候不能够做到不受其影响,所以只能采取逃避的态度。

说到这里不能不提到我前几周参加年轻人聚会的shocking experience。一个年轻同事的house warming party。我去了。开始还好,很正常的getting to know people。但是中国人的getting to know each other呢通常都包括你是那个学校的哪个年级的。我一说我是那个年级的,气氛明显就当场freeze, 问题马上迅速的变成,你有房子吗,你有小孩吗,你有x吗,你有y吗,为什么你看起来这么年轻?你是怎么保养的?

被一圈年轻女生包围,并且探寻我的保养秘诀turned out to be a rather uncomfortable experience.

First, I enjoy talking to all people, of different ages or experiences. That is why I went to the colleague’s housewarming party in the first place without any thoughts about whether i fit in or not. Making friends or getting to know people does not have an age limitation. But again, for some people, they can only hang out with people with similar age and background as them. Next time I receive such invitations, I would seriously consider whether I should be going or not. This is unfortunately changing my own behavior of the past like twenty years. Having people (about 5 – 10 years younger) told me we don’t know what to talk to you about made me extremely aware that I should pick the parties where people are more comfortable dealing with me.

Secondly I recognize so much insecurities in the same young people who are inquiring about my life stages and my skincare routines. They are so anxious about getting old, so to speak. [Disclaimer: I don’t think I am old at all. But apparently for them I am a really old person.] They ask me whether being old matters or not. I told them to relax and said I don’t get anxious about it at all. Then they asked me if that is because my friends are all old too. I said not really. It is mostly about there is nothing to worry about just because your age is climbing. The conversation hit a wall at this point since I can see the question asker cannot understand why there is nothing to worry about for aging. She is worrying about it all the time🙂

Thirdly, come to think of it, once they realize our age gap, I suddenly cease to be a person but their projection of what they should be doing, say, ten years later. That is why they are asking whether I have acquired certain must-have things (in their mind). It is a little sad to think that the summary of the precious life you have should be consisting of a few status objects such as whether you have a good car, a good house or kids. This is on my part. I refuse to summarize my life in these terms. On the other hand, it is even sadder to see a young woman think of or measure her future life this way. It is heading off the wrong way. Despite a burning desire to tell her don’t treat life as milestones of material acquisitions, I refrained myself from lecturing. It won’t help.

I hope given time, some of these young persons (they are in fact in their late twenties already) can gain perspective and wisdom over time. Or if you have any tips on how best talking to people, please let me know. I am sure many of the problems are coming from me, not from other people. Even if I don’t remember myself as such in my twenties, [Rosy pictures: I was happily talking to people who are ten or twenty years older than me :], I might still be similarly puzzled or confused by future as well.

2 Responses to "Inception"

国内呆久了恐怕就常常会面对这种气氛,而且会有很多结结实实的利益方面的年龄性别歧视。不过我最不能理解的是为啥在接触了各国文化的diversity之后许多高学历高智商的人还是那么顽固地保留了原来那单一的价值观。

我也不知道。很多时候人其实都是环境影响的。如果周围和自己一样的人很多,很容易找到朋友,确实没有必要branch out at all。而且branch out之后在某种意义上是在给自己找麻烦。有点儿什么都不是的意思。但是多看看多聊聊尽自己所能去体会别人的生活是获得智慧的捷径啊。可是仔细看看,其实grow out of own breeding是一件很难很难的事情。如果不能解决怎样把一个新的世界和自己的breeding成功结合的问题,最简单的解决方法,一个是扔掉自己所来的世界,全面拥抱新生活,另一个就是stick with the old system。

另外一个,我不知道年纪(其实是阅历,就是要多看多听多接触和自己不一样的东西)在里面究竟有什么作用。但是这又是一个悖论。因为首先要有这个接触和自己不一样的东西的愿望,才能在岁月里面增长见识,修改自己的价值系统。如果没有的话,年头过去了,还是和原来一样的,或者说最多和自己的朋友们一样。

今天的nyt上有一篇讲islam and two americas的文章。讲assimulation和preservation的问题的。对问题的描述还挺清楚的,但是到了解决方法上,只有自己的改变一条路走,如果前提是想要integrate into americanism的话。

但是如果并不想在美国长住的话,又miss了国内同期文化和价值体系的变化,最后回国仍然是一个独特的species。总之就没有容易的路走。

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

August 2010
M T W T F S S
« Jun   Sep »
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  

Twitter

  • is emptying trash and happily discovering the available disk space now ranks at 100G+. 4 days ago
  • is looking at other people's intentions, not their capabilities, and feeling much happier every day :) 11 months ago
  • is planning on how to spend the next two weeks until the new year, at home. 11 months ago
  • is going to have human company for Thanksgiving; a rare event for the past like twenty years. 1 year ago
  • living by myself again; a strange feeling in a bustling city with thirteen million people 1 year ago

Flickr Photos

IMG_3517

IMG_3515

IMG_3505

IMG_3497

IMG_3261

IMG_3260

IMG_3255

IMG_2736

IMG_2733

IMG_2629

More Photos
%d bloggers like this: