Posted August 10, 2010on:
根本没看出来有那么好。不知道自己是老了，没什么东西激动了；还是看的那天是受了巨大的刺激的一天，所以感受其他刺激的能力下降了，以至于这个据说有matrix I potential的电影在我这里一点儿感觉都没有； 还是别的人，由于年轻，第一次受刺激所以有比较强烈的反应。 总之估计这就是个永恒的谜团了。
有一条是很肯定的，我跟好多人的距离是越来越远了。比方说跟一些二十几岁的人聊天儿，会觉得没意思，堵得慌，什么都说不下去的感觉。[Disclaimer: 但是和另外一些二十几岁的人还是有话说的。<<– My weak attempt at avoiding the possibility that it is me who is the problem. ] 和另外一些人聊天儿呢，又会觉得心里闹得慌。比方说可能也就是一个work lunch的时间，四十分钟撑死了，但是就会觉得心里面很燥，心好像不在它应该在的地方，在外面飘来飘去的，就会觉得很难受。 当然一般这样的lunch都是一些很浮躁的话题，exchange一些离开source很远的似是而非的information，作为大家未来决断的依据, 有现实生活中的mitbbs的感觉。我自己的修行不够，人多的时候不能够做到不受其影响，所以只能采取逃避的态度。
说到这里不能不提到我前几周参加年轻人聚会的shocking experience。一个年轻同事的house warming party。我去了。开始还好，很正常的getting to know people。但是中国人的getting to know each other呢通常都包括你是那个学校的哪个年级的。我一说我是那个年级的，气氛明显就当场freeze, 问题马上迅速的变成，你有房子吗，你有小孩吗，你有x吗，你有y吗，为什么你看起来这么年轻？你是怎么保养的？
被一圈年轻女生包围，并且探寻我的保养秘诀turned out to be a rather uncomfortable experience.
First, I enjoy talking to all people, of different ages or experiences. That is why I went to the colleague’s housewarming party in the first place without any thoughts about whether i fit in or not. Making friends or getting to know people does not have an age limitation. But again, for some people, they can only hang out with people with similar age and background as them. Next time I receive such invitations, I would seriously consider whether I should be going or not. This is unfortunately changing my own behavior of the past like twenty years. Having people (about 5 – 10 years younger) told me we don’t know what to talk to you about made me extremely aware that I should pick the parties where people are more comfortable dealing with me.
Secondly I recognize so much insecurities in the same young people who are inquiring about my life stages and my skincare routines. They are so anxious about getting old, so to speak. [Disclaimer: I don’t think I am old at all. But apparently for them I am a really old person.] They ask me whether being old matters or not. I told them to relax and said I don’t get anxious about it at all. Then they asked me if that is because my friends are all old too. I said not really. It is mostly about there is nothing to worry about just because your age is climbing. The conversation hit a wall at this point since I can see the question asker cannot understand why there is nothing to worry about for aging. She is worrying about it all the time 🙂
Thirdly, come to think of it, once they realize our age gap, I suddenly cease to be a person but their projection of what they should be doing, say, ten years later. That is why they are asking whether I have acquired certain must-have things (in their mind). It is a little sad to think that the summary of the precious life you have should be consisting of a few status objects such as whether you have a good car, a good house or kids. This is on my part. I refuse to summarize my life in these terms. On the other hand, it is even sadder to see a young woman think of or measure her future life this way. It is heading off the wrong way. Despite a burning desire to tell her don’t treat life as milestones of material acquisitions, I refrained myself from lecturing. It won’t help.
I hope given time, some of these young persons (they are in fact in their late twenties already) can gain perspective and wisdom over time. Or if you have any tips on how best talking to people, please let me know. I am sure many of the problems are coming from me, not from other people. Even if I don’t remember myself as such in my twenties, [Rosy pictures: I was happily talking to people who are ten or twenty years older than me :], I might still be similarly puzzled or confused by future as well.